Do your achievements define your worth?

Does your stomach ever do somersaults when you start thinking about your results day? Or does it sink when you don’t get recognized for the hard work you did for a project? I know mine does. To be honest with you, this is not something I talk about frequently with anyone, or ever have from what I can remember and I don’t know if it’s the fear of judgement or my fear that I might be the only one who feels this way.

For as long as I can remember, grades were one of my top priorities. Of course, when I had a lot on my plate apart from my academics, they fluctuated and those were the times I realized how toxic it is to base your self-worth on a percentage or test. I then based my happiness and worth on other achievements, and when I look back at it now, to some extent that was also a toxic mindset. Even as I write this I can almost feel myself entering a warning zone; it’s not something that is talked about enough. Before you read any further please note that this is my opinion and I am just writing what I feel, if you feel it’s wrong or have any other judgement, you are entitled to your own opinion and I would love to discuss it as well.

From my experience, the toxicity of the “high achiever mindset” grows as people start expecting more from you and that stems from your environment and the people you surround yourself with. Now don’t get me wrong, having people who know you have infinite potential and are capable of great heights is a blessing which should never be taken for granted. With that being said, I know how exhausting it can be to always be seen in that way - it leaves you no room to make petty mistakes or let loose sometimes. Consequently, when you don’t take a moment to breathe and realize life is more than just grades or the next thing you have to achieve, you start basing your happiness on your achievements - and that is toxic. Of course the entire concept of “if you don’t get all As in your A levels then you have failed completely as a student” is as toxic as it can get but Asian culture am I right?

Countless cringe-worthy yet helpful quotes on instagram and a few highly aesthetic pinterest boards later (yes I am that kind of girl, you can cringe now), I realized I find happiness in many more things which have nothing to do with my professional background and academic excellence - for example writing. However, I was always afraid to write what I felt, thinking it would either offend someone or I would be judged in a horrible angle but as I write this, it is dawning on me that my admiringly effective overthinking capabilities have prevented me from basing my happiness on things which would truly make me happy and rather base it on grades on a sheet of paper, which let’s be honest, is not going to matter in five years. Not to mention, I could totally become a famous youtuber and make millions in that period of time, all without my A level results. A girl can dream...

So why am I giving you an exclusive limited edition insight of having a toxic “high achiever mindset”? Well, I have a few reasons. First, it’s easier to write about it than talk about it. Second, sometimes I always felt as though I was the only one who went through this but if you have come this far then you would have related to at least one thing I wrote about and if that makes you feel less alone then yay! And most importantly, this is not talked about enough, so I wanted to get past all my insecurities of being judged and perceived in the wrong way and finally get to expressing my thoughts fully.

Finally, I just want to point out that being exhausted from making mistakes is okay, you don’t have to always be perceived as “perfect”. Not getting the grades you expected is okay. Being happy about the weather or your favorite tv show is okay. And to answer the question, your achievements do not define your worth and definitely should not be your only source of happiness. Be happy if you achieve a goal, but don’t let it get you down too much if you don’t, things will get better :)